The following are excerpts from “The Path to Paramahansa: Spotlight on Peacock Pete,“ from an on-going interview series in Enlightenment Weekly, the highly-esteemed magazine for up-to-date spiritual findings and information.

Today, we meet Peacock Pete at the Japanese Garden near his condo.

When we arrive at the gates, the lady tells us to follow the path to the meditation room. Peacock Pete (PP) has been awaiting our arrival. She also informed us that we owe her $10 as he said that I would cover his entrance fee as well as my own.

JS: Namaste! You look different since the last time I saw you.

PP: Namaste! I grew out my hair.

JS: Yeah. I’ll say...You look like John Lennon.

PP: Everyone says that! This is my John Lennon vibe.

JS: Are you sure that’s it? Your beak looks different. It looks smaller. Did you get some work done? You look so young.

PP: Thank you. Au natural, dude!

JS: What’s new?

PP: I have a new t-shirt and greeting cards in the shop and new blog posts that you should have read already. If you put your email address into the field at the bottom of the page, you would be notified when new content is available.

This road continues only a bit longer before you reach the fork. On the left side is the “Ballin’ on a Budget Blog,” providing you with insights and recommendations about making smart purchases and living your best life.

As part of an after school program, I mentor young men on how to be cool and look attractive. As we speak, I’m developing lessons and study materials for an online master class style introductory course. On the right side, you will find a photo gallery or visual index of the characters I will be referencing and utilizing in these materials.

Also, please consider buying some crap from my store…or forget the hassle of shopping and the anticipation of waiting for something to arrive and donate some money to me. Navigate and explore the toolbar at the top right side of the page for these options.

Let’s catch the new followers up with what was discussed in our last interview. PP’s first interview with us:

JS: Namaste, Peacock Pete! How do you feel being included in this interview series, considering in Sanskrit, “Paramahansa” (a term that refers to those individuals who have attained the highest level of spirituality: enlightenment) means “supreme swan” and you are a peacock?

Peacock Pete (PP): Namaste! I feel great about it. Thank you for having me. We’re closely related.

The next part of the interview I will paraphrase for you because he wanted some of this redacted. However, basically, PP doesn’t answer directly about his age. He does look very youthful, well preserved, which he attributes to “drinking collagen powder in my coffee for years and now that I gave up coffee, I put it in my green smoothies.”

When he stayed home from school, he used to watch “I Love Lucy” and “Gilligan’s Island” on television so he could be as old as Dracula; he gives off the vibe of being an old soul. he has that type of wisdom. Though, it seems, at least physically, he was smaller in the 90’s. I’ve heard him reference “Saved by the Bell” and “The Wonder Years.” He’s mentioned Hi-C Ecto Cooler, Crystal Pepsi, and Kid Cuisine frozen food.

JS: Tell us about your childhood?

PP: I was raised in Beverly Hills. LA, CA. I am an aluminati of both Beverly Hills High School and UCLA.

JS: Ok. Not so fast. You’re very much a Renaissance man. What types of activities were you involved in as a child?

PP: Thank you. That’s a good question. At an early age, I attended Boy Scouts and Hebrew School.

JS: Did you enjoy those?

PP: Boy Scouts was ok. One day per year they would have that race derby where you would put together and race your kit car. Even though I never won, that may have been the highlight of the whole program.

Otherwise I cheated on almost all of my badges. Unfortunately, Boy Scouts encouraged me to be a young con artist. I would look through the book and see a badge that I wanted and then tell my mom to sign the pages to verify that I had accomplished a task that I hadn’t even attempted. She didn’t want to be bothered, so she would just sign it. I rose up the ranks quickly at the Boy Scouts from a Tiger Cub to the Webelos. My outfit was extravagantly decorated with badges and sashes. Other children had to salute me at the meetings. I think they suspected something was up...

I’ll paraphrase the next part of this interview which has been redacted. Basically, PP outgrew the Boy Scouts and at a certain point no longer attended their meetings.

JS: You went to Hebrew School? Did you also attend regular school or that was it?

PP: Yeah. No. Of course. I went to Hebrew School once a week on Sundays until I was Bar Mitzvah’d. Otherwise, I went to a normal public school in Beverly Hills.

JS: So you were Bar Mitzvah’d?

PP: Yes twice. Once here in LA and once atop Mt. Masada in Israel.

JS: Did you have a party here in LA?

PP: Yes. A big one. The theme was “The Movies.”

JS: So do you speak Hebrew?

PP: Not a word. Ok literally, maybe like a word or two. I’m struggling to think of how to say the number one. Mostly we learned the prayers and how to read Hebrew, but not what anything meant. At least I didn’t.

Learning to read Hebrew is funny. At a certain point they go, “ok we’re taking the training wheels off, no more vowels. You don’t get to use vowels anymore!”

JS: Did you got to religious services a lot? Did you enjoy them?

PP: No we only went a few times a year to the temple; only on the high holy days. I would bring a gameboy. Otherwise I couldn’t handle the boredom. That didn’t make my father happy at all.

JS: It sounds like you come from a religious family? Do you still practice?

PP: No. My mother went to temple because she liked to put on a fancy outfit and socialize. In my opinion, my father enjoyed the temple because it was “his place” to bring us. It was the place that he liked to be, especially with our company. Perhaps I was supposed to be impressed with his prayer skills. “Go Dad! Pray the shit out of that prayer! Invoke the spirit of our ancestors!”

My grandmother insisted that there is nothing after this life and religion is not to be believed. She insisted, After this there is nothing. It’s all darkness.”

I am spiritual, not religious. I adhere to the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta: Non-Duality.

JS: How about outside of school? Did you have any hobbies or activities or interests after Boy Scouts?

PP: Yes. Then I started acting in television commercials, golfing, cotillion, and tae kwon do.

JS: Were you good at any of those activities? Did you receive any awards or make any achievements?

PP: I booked quite a lot of television commercials. I’ve even been the principal in a few Super Bowl spots. I’m a member of the Screen Actors Guild. I got cut out of a Super Bowl commercial starring Will Ferrell. He approached me between takes and told me that what I was doing was “very funny.”

JS: (interrupting) Is he, Will Ferrell, your hero?

PP: No. My hero, the peacock that I most aspire to be like is…Peacock Paul Newman.

JS: Of course. So cool. Sorry. Continue with what you were saying about your extracurriculars…

PP: Golf. My grandma was showing me how to swing a 5-iron and I hit her in the face with it on my backswing. I froze in shock. I was in a state of panic, not having any emergency preparedness skills, I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, I was with another person who signaled for help. Later, I was scolded for being ignorant and afraid. My mother couldn’t believe that I wasn’t heroic.

Cotillion. I was known as the funny guy who had the elastic tie that could be pulled for a cheap laugh. Once at the final grand ball, I had a date they assigned me and then I acquired another date when she didn’t like who was assigned to her.

Tae-Kwon-Do. I stopped at blue belt. The man that I was supposed to call my “master” made me cry when he put his feet in between my legs and tried to stretch me so that I could get closer to doing the splits fully.

JS: Did you go to college right after high school? I think you mentioned UCLA earlier.

PP: Yes. I went to UCLA. I wanted to be a film director, but they only accept 2% of the applicants to their film school, so I majored in English. I considered going to a different university, but it was more than five miles away, but less than fifty miles away, and as I was secretly told by my father that would devastate my mother if I abandoned her like that. However, senior year in college, I won a place in an internship at the Cannes Film Festival in France for two weeks and spent an additional two weeks earlier in Paris by myself.

JS: Did your parents always use guilt to manipulate you?

PP: Yes. I’m resentful. I’ve talked about it with a therapist.

JS: Did you enter the work force right after college or take a little break first?

PP: I was yearning for independence and individuality and I was approached about an opportunity. I served undercover in Antarctica to quell the resistance of the rebel penguin army that had established itself there.

JS: Fascinating! What happened?

PP: I can’t say much, but we quelled them. We quelled every last one of them. I have my Antarctica service medal to prove it. I wear it on my jacket and next to it, I wear an ice cream sandwich pin to commemorate the competition I won while undercover there.

JS: Undercover as…?

PP: A penguin.

JS: Why an ice cream sandwich pin?

PP: It was an ice cream sandwich eating contest.

JS: What do you do for money now?

PP: How much are we talking?

JS: I mean. What do you do for work?

PP: I work as a waiter. It gives me the chance to study the human condition which is why I have been sent to this planet.

JS: What?

PP: I have been sent to this planet to study the human condition. I get to see the whole range of characters doing this job. It’s what I was instructed to do. Study and learn.

JS: How do you receive these instructions?

PP: Telepathically. Sometimes I just zone out for a bit. It seems like I’m daydreaming, like I’m just totally gone. It’s quite important that I’m not interrupted during these moments when I’m receiving instructions and communicating with the elders or my guides.

JS: Have you always been able to communicate telepathically?

PP: A long time ago, at an early age, a secret crystal instrument was bestowed upon me to establish this connection and maintain the correct wavelength of frequency. It’s taken me a long time to learn how to use it properly and unlock all of its mysterious capabilities. Still more time will need to be spent with it for complete mastery.

JS: Can I see this crystal?

PP: I don’t bring it with me. It kind of looks like a vase with chambers and a down stem. The pieces come apart and have to be assembled properly. It requires the proper application and combination of elements: wind, water, fire, and earth, which is added to the bowl piece. It’s a delicate and powerful instrument. Maybe I can show it to you next time.

JS: What kind of knowledge have the elders or your guides given you to aid you in your mission and survival?

PP: They have taught me to discover and hone the natural gifts that I have been given. One of which is my ability to find value. I buy a lot of stuff. I enjoy the finer things, but I live on a budget. I’m like the caped crusader. While admiring me, people have exclaimed, out loud, “Where does he get those wonderful toys?” That’s one of the reasons I started this blog. Wonder and wander no more! Take this journey with me and allow me to be your shepherd as we explore fashion, lifestyle, and relationships and make our way “through the valley of darkness.”

I’ll give you my best style secrets to make you feel attractive, comfortable, and confident without spending too much money. I’ll tell you about the best products and services that offer the most value. That’s Ballin’ on a Budget!